Surreal Days

So arriving at LAX airport and driving to my apartment I will be staying at for the summer was mind blowing. Our driver took us the long way through the city because she wanted us to see the city lights at night. It was absolutely amazing to see the city so alive at 2 am in the morning. Anyways, we drive up to the WB Studios and right in the middle of their massive studio lands that they own....is my apartment!!!! yes, we are staying in the middle of all the studios! 1 mile from the other side of us is the Universal Studios and 2 streets away are Sunset Blvd. and Hollywood Blvd.

I got in about 130 am which would be about 430 Atlanta time. So I crashed as soon as I got here. I have met a few of the girls this morning and this could not be a MORE perfect group! We are going to go and try to hit up the beach today, in Santa Monica that is, before our welcoming dinner then work begins tomorrow. Til then, stay classy east coast =)

Hollywood Journey Begins...

“For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith- that you, being rooted and established in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever, Amen.” Ephesians 3:14-20


So my journey for the next two and a half months officially begins now. I am on the plane from Dallas to LAX airport! Sure I enough I get on the plane and see this guy in first class I swore I knew. He just looked so so familiar. Then I realized it was Bill Engvall. He is the famous comedian that tours with Jeff Foxworthy and has his own t.v. show. Ha. No wonder why I thought he looked familiar.
This has been quite and emotional day for me. My two best friends Christi and Lauren took me to the airport today because my parents have officially moved to Charleston, SC. I am officially a senior in college. I am officially going to Hollywood for the summer. I have officially left Atlanta for good and started a new chapter of my life. Extremely exciting, yet sad leaving this chapter of my life. So much is changing all at once and I am just free falling into the unknown hand of God.
If you know me very well at all then you might know that this is my life verse. I think that this is the most incredible commissioning prayer that Paul gives to his fellow believers. It’s a prayer of Paul begging the Lord to be magnified in us so much in a way that it goes beyond all knowledge. It is like Paul is reiterating the idea that Christ cannot just be learned, but he has to be known. Paul has tapped into this concept and it is so great that he wants us to do the same. How amazing is it that once we really come to know the Lord we can see that he can do far more abundantly than all we ask or think! In the Greek language far more abundantly is the word υπερεχπεπισσου (which probably means nothing to you, but I’m obsessed with the language). Properly translated is means infinitely more than. I like this translation better because its not just that God can do more, but INFINITELY more. I like the idea of God doing things I cannot grasp or think of. It makes him such a bigger God in my perspective.
If you are reading this I beg you to be constantly praying for me and the group of interns at Mosaic Church this summer. You have no idea how much your prayers and monetary support mean to me. I want you to journey along with me what God has in store for those that are the greatest influencers of America in Hollywood. He is God of their city and Lord of our nation. For greater things have yet to come and greater things are still to be done in this city and I invite you to see that.

Ready or Not

Goodbyes are a killer. They really are. I have never ever really had to say goodbye to anyone before because there is always a time when I am pretty sure I will see them again. But now I have to do this who goodbye for real thing over and over and over. I don’t like it.

I feel like my whole life is changing. My parents are moving out of the house here in Atlanta this weekend and I leave for Hollywood June 4th. I am not sure I am ready to leave yet. It would be so different if I had Atlanta to come back to when I get back in August, but I don’t. Charleston is the new home sweet home. I have lived in the same house for 18 years this summer. Moving is a huge deal for the whole family right now.

You never really know what you’ve got until you lose it. Such a cliché phrase but it the truest thing ever. I had a couple of final goodbyes today when I went and visited some friends and HATED it. One in particular was really hard because that person just had a place in me that I have never had with anyone else. Memories are all you have got when you leave and you can’t hold on to those too well.

You want to know what I really think it is though? Fear. I think goodbyes are so hard because part of it is the fear that we won’t have it as good as we do already. Its like the world is ending and the good part is all over. But the more I think about it that’s so not true! God would never pull you out of a season of your life then make the rest of it “not as good”. I refuse I believe that the God who works for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28) still has the best yet to come for me or for you. I just have no idea what that is yet and that is why this part of my life is so hard to say goodbye to.

I really am excited beyond measure for Hollywood. I still think about it and cannot get over the fact that God has finally called me to Hollywood for a time when ever since I was in second grade that is where I want to be. I have no idea if I will eventually live there or not, but right now I would like to. NO ONE is ever to far from the grip of the grace of Jesus and those in Hollywood need to know that. I just don’t know what to expect and I’m nervous about it. Yet it is a good fear. Im growing up and moving forward in life. That is the real scary thought.

May you be excited about the road close at hand for you and may you remember what you have learned in Jesus and take it with you as you move on, ready or not.

Rewind

So this is my semester in review. I love to rewind and see all that has happened every year. I love to look at pictures and remember the great (and rough) times that have meant a lot to me and maybe even changed me. This past year at Samford has been so so rough, but amazing. From birthdays, friend visits, road trips, exams, parties, study abroad and crazy late nights I have captured them all. And this is what it looks like...

America is Greece

Have you ever wondered what it is like not to worry about anything? Have you ever thought about what it would be like to not even think about next moment because you are so wrapped up with living in the moment? What would it look like to be away from all distractions that hinder our daily lives and really seek out the beauty of life?

I got the once in a lifetime chance to study abroad this semester in Greece for the month of January with my school. This couldn’t have been more of a divine part of my life, at least up to now. Greece has been quite the obsession in my life for a long while now. I am learning the language in school (which is beyond hard), I have a tattoo in Greek, and it has been my number one place to visit. I still cannot believe that I actually got to go. It is like a dream that didn’t really happen. Sounds cheesy, but it was that amazing for me.

I know that this will be one of the experiences of my life that will forever change me. If you think about it, there are few things that actually change us as a person: our actions, thoughts, motives, and relationships. People are ever changing, but there are few experiences that you go through in your life that will completely change you from the inside out. Greece was my milestone. I haven’t been the same since I have been back and I never want to be.

One of the best things about Greece was that time was slow. After the first week there our group felt like an eternity had already passed. We were so excited about the rest of our trip there because unlike most vacations or getaways this one felt like it was never going to end.

I had no cell phone. No t.v., and internet access, hmm, maybe thrice. I can honestly say technology is one of the biggest hindrances in our society. You wouldn’t understand it until you actually experience it. It takes away precious minutes and hours you do not even realize. I loved that I got to the point of forgetting my phone every time I walked out of a room or to go out somewhere.



On the plane ride back I had some AWEsome time of reflection and conversation about the Greece experience. Not one time did I EVER worry about ANYTHING for an entire month. No need, no want, or what I am supposed to be doing even the next hour. I just lived. I was just so excited to be away from everything I knew and just completely soak up this creation that was before me that I had never seen before. I lost track of how long we had been there and when we would be going home at one point. For the first time in my life I could just BE and nowhere else. Not my mind, body, or intentions. Wholly present and alive. I literally saw God in everything and everywhere I went. I had nothing to distract me from time with Him. I have never had that before. I felt His kingdom here on earth. I came to understand how we are to see Christ in everything and how God intended for us to live.

The minute the plane landed in Atlanta my phone went off like crazy with text messages and voicemails. I wanted to cry. Actually I did. When I got home I just let loose. Coming back to America had already jailed up my heart and I felt trapped. Not a good feeling when you finally get used to living in freedom. Anyways, for weeks after when I got home I hated life because I just wanted to be back in Greece. Not just because it is the most amazing place in the world (not that I have been anywhere else hardly), but because of how life was lived. All I could think about and talk about was Greece, Greece, Greece. Yeah, I became one of those people you got sick of talking to because all I could think or say was Greece. I couldn’t help it.

But then after finally realizing that I can’t go back, even in my mind, God really spoke to me about living the here and now in America. I kept wishing my life away wishing I was somewhere else and not here. But God has placed me here. He led me Greece to show me so many things and enjoy life for the first time. But he led me back to home as well. I caught myself thinking how terrible it was that God wants me to live for Him right now, not a month or two ago, but I wanted to live in the past. I had to change my heart real fast. Think about it. We always wish we were here and there, past or future, but how often can we just be excited about the moments of NOW God has given us? We wish our lives away and never enjoy it. We live out the times we want and long for, but we don’t even realize it.

So I came back to school and everyday tried to learn how to live out my Greece in America. I would limit my time on the computer. I don’t worry about having my phone around me so much. Ill call you back later. I make sure I stop and rest every single day. Journal, pray, think, listen to worship music. Whatever. Now I don’t listen to music in my car. I have learned to love silence. I just am in silence. It allows me to see my day. My life has changed because of this. My mind is different. My intentions are different. My heart is at peace and calm even when I have 10 and 15 page papers due. I can still be at rest no matter what is spiritually or emotionally or physically happening. My Savior consumes me. Yeah there are still a million things to distract me throughout my day, but I learn how to handle it. I have finally seen how God intends for you and me to live a life of rest amongst a chaotic world. I can live out my Greece in America.

My prayer for you is that you can experience this once in your life. Learn how to live in rest. You can live out your Greece everyday.

May you find God in everything you do. May his glory abound in your heart. May you be divinely romanced to rest in Him. May you come to so live in the here and now that America becomes your Greece.

confidence |ˈkänfədəns; -fəˌdens|
noun
the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust

This one word is a battle like I have never experienced. And I have experienced many hard battles in my life. Yet it is not one of intense pain, sorrow, or suffering, but a different kind of battle. Like the definition says, it basically all comes down to firm trust.

I presently feel the Lord answering a prayer in my life I have prayed for many years, yet I actually do not know why I would pray for this. Knowing certain things about our future does not mean peace and rest. IT DOES NOT. Just because we may know a specific outcome does not make the situation any easier. I in fact think that it makes it harder. I think this is because then we lose faith and trust that God is going to give to us what he has promised when the situation can take an unexpected turn. I find myself looking at this circumstance in my life to be almost completely improbable of the outcome God has told me. But all I keep thinking is the all to well-known verse, “what is impossible for man is possible for God”. I know this and I really do believe it, as I tell myself. But the reality is that I only believe it sometimes, when it is easy to believe. The problem with scripture that has become so familiar to people is that it becomes overlooked. We have heard it a million times over and completely lose sight and knowledge of the beauty in what Jesus is telling his followers. I hate that this is what happens, but it does.

How literally “awesome” is it to know that what man cannot do, God can? There is so much depth to this I cannot comprehend.

Beautiful

I have had some awesome life lessons God has taught to me while I’ve been here in Greece. Last night I had someone ask me if I thought I was hott. It was weird and kind of awkward at first to people around because you are not really sure how to answer that when someone blatantly asks you that. I mean, you never want to say yes right away because then people think you are cocky about yourself. But then, if you say no, that’s just really sad you think of yourself as ugly or unattractive. But you know, I kind of don’t care what people think about me when it comes to my looks. When you ask someone how they really feel about themselves, like if they think they are hott or beautiful, you really are asking so much more.
I immediately said yes to this guy. Call me cocky or self-obsessed or whatever you want, but I think I am absolutely beautiful. I refuse to believe that God made me unattractive because He hasn’t. It has taken me years to ever even say this out loud about myself and then even longer to believe it in my heart. I truly believe that how you feel about yourself, on the inside and outside, completely affects your relationship with God. Think about it. You really feel you are unattractive and ugly yet you worship God. What kind of God does he look like when you feel about yourself in that way? I would definitely say he would not be as appealing or intimate to you. Maybe I am wrong, but I have felt very insecure about myself for much of my life so this is how I understand it to be. How sad to believe that God would not make you beautiful or “hott”. I truly believe the word when God says that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made”. If you don’t believe this, then you don’t believe in the true God. We can’t pick and choose what we want to about the Lord. You believe it or you don’t. This is what the word says, therefore it’s true.
To me it’s actually really sad when people are taken aback when they hear me answer yes right away. They are shocked because they don’t feel that way about themselves. Its not like I go prancing around saying “look at me! Im so hott and I can get anyone I want!”. Far from it. I mean, I still struggle with comparing myself to other girls and there will always be someone who is skinnier, more beautiful, more graceful, and more intellectual. But God has given me a name and what good does it do to myself to compare God’s creation from one person to the other?
Back in high school is when God really convicted me of not feeling that He has made me beautiful, inside and out, but especially on the outside. For and entire year I prayed to God that when I look at myself in the mirror I could say to myself “you are beautiful” and believe it. It took a long time, but I truly wanted to look at myself how God sees me. I wanted to see the beauty He sees and feel intimacy in that way. We look to other people at how they might see us and just get depressed and basically go into the mode of self-loathing. I once was there and I refuse to go back. So I prayed.
You are beautiful. I am beautiful. Stare at yourself in the mirror and say it everyday to your face until you believe it. And even then, don’t quit saying it because it’s so true. Once you can accept your true beauty, you won’t believe how your eyes are opened to see everyone else’s. You begin to see how every person is fearfully and wonderfully made. You begin to truly see value in every person you see and meet. You won’t believe how much more intimate your relationship with God becomes when you feel good about His creation.
May you come to see that you are beautiful. May you truly believe it in your heart. And may you feel so beautiful about yourself that you will see it in others.

pneuma (nooma)

I am about 35,000 feet above the ground right now. I am flying over the Atlantic Ocean on my way to Greece. It has only been about 5 hours into the 9 hour flight. I can honestly say that this is best place I have been in a while even though I haven’t spoken a word the entire time to my flight buddy next to me, young children and babies are annoying everyone, and this is the smallest space possible you could ever bear to sit in for such a long flight. My butt keeps going numb but I have a window seat and I can’t get up and walk around when I want. Yet, I like it though. Sometimes silence is best for us and so is stillness. Sometimes only being able to breathe is good for us.
I just watched a Rob Bell Nooma video. In my opinion, best thing you could ever do at 35,000 feet in the air. I watched his video called “Breathe”. Its 10 bucks…go buy it and watch it and try to be in an airplane to get the fullest effect. He talks all about what it means to breathe and how sacred it actually is. I mean, I have never really thought that breathing could be Holy. Its just something we do up to 20,000 times a day. It redundant and no thought is put into it. Yet, he makes you see that it actually is something Holy in his video. My favorite part of the video and what really struck such a chord in my heart was this…
“When you let God in, when you breathe, what happens is you become aware of all the things you need to leave behind, everything you need to let go of. If you were to be totally honest about what’s going on inside of you, is there anything you need right now to breathe out? What is it that you need to breathe in?”
I have so much to breathe out and even more to breathe in. I need to breathe in rest and peace, comfort and joy. I need to breathe out so much crap that hinders God from giving that to me. His word says that in Him we live and we move and we breathe. So, we do but don’t realize it. I have to sit still and just breathe for another 4 more hours. Rob is totally right. When you really just breathe and let God speak to you, touch you, or inspire you, you really begin to see your life and what you need to leave behind and let go of. I love that I can go away to another country and do this. I know I can’t escape these things, but getting away from my everyday life, my heart can change. I can see what’s really important to God in my life and what’s just pure trash and maybe when I come back home I can put this new breath of God into action.

Pictures

I am obsessed with pictures. I really am. I will never pass up an opportunity to take some pictures wherever I am. I have only had my computer for about 2 and a half years and I have over 3,000 pictures on it…just from college. Seriously, I love pictures.
The one thing I kind of miss about the times where digital cameras were non-existent was that you had to get your pictures developed if you wanted to see them. Now, people hardly ever develop pictures. They just upload them. I cannot tell you how many Kodak one-time use cameras I have spent money on. But that was the most exciting part for me, not knowing how your pictures turned out until you pick them up. I seriously would get so pumped up every time I got to pick up my pictures and look through them for the first time. What an exhilarating moment for me. Now that I have a digital camera, I know exactly what I’m getting the second I take it. I even have the option to take it over and over until I get the perfect snapshot, which is both good and bad. It’s hard to get really funny pictures like I used to because with digital, the screw-ups are always erased, whereas with disposable cameras, you don’t have that option.
What I love so much about pictures is that I get to visibly remember what happened in those moments. Pictures capture memories. They help you remember the good and bad times you’ve spent with your friends.

The most embarrassing moments you wish you could forget. And just things you never want to forget. I have at least 12 full photo albums stashed in the corner of my room behind my door. I have too many I don’t know what to do with them. But almost every single time I come home from school I look through them. I absolutely love remembering the high school football games and the really crazy things my closest friends and I did. I get to remember and see the blessedness of God is my past that I didn’t see then.
God is good. Go back through your photo albums and see for yourself. I worship a God that died for me to be happy. One that died for me to have a fulfilled life. A joyful life. But lately though I feel like I have lost my joy. No, not my happiness, but my joy. I have had a rough semester. No one will ever be able to truly understand just how hard it has been for me. I can’t even really express it. Words do not do the heart justice. I long for the days in some of my pictures when I didn’t have a care in the world I can remember just how joyful I was in the Lord. And not just with the Lord, but with everything in my life. Sometimes, pictures make me wish I were in another realm of my life.
I am about to leave for almost a month trip to Greece. Yeah, really awesome I know and I am so stoked you have no idea. I have wanted to go to Greece for a very long time now. My heart is in such a broken place and I am surrounded by so many things that cause me to stay in this state. I cannot wait to leave the country. Its like I feel like I am going to be able to escape from it all. I wish that would be the truth. We can’t escape our problems, especially our emotions. If you ever truly have, please let me know how you did it. But I know that you haven’t because God uses the emotions and events to completely revolutionize us. He won’t ever let me or you really escape from anything. I mean, I may be able to forget about a lot of things and leave stuff behind, but it is all here waiting for me when I get back. All anxiously waiting my return.
God is working. If there is one thing I have learned from eating my words of “Jesus bring the rain” is that God is so faithful to me when I can be so mean and stubborn back to Him. I wish I could see it right now though. I wish, through all the hurt, pain, and loneliness that I could see or be comforted by the outcome. I know beyond the shadow of a doubt everything is going to be ok. No, great. But it is one thing to know it, and yet another to actually believe it in your heart.
So all these pictures that take me back to a time of “remember when…” I really need to let go of. I need to let go of desiring to be at some other place in time and embrace my now. Easier said than done when you are in a rough situation, especially one that lasts for a ridiculous amount of time. The memories of the seconds I live right now are what God died for me to live out and enjoy. I have to take it all back to the cross. We all do. Our now’s that we are living are what Christ died for. Put that into your heart. Better yet, try and put that into a picture.

O God of Mine

Does the faithfulness of God mean anything to you? I mean can you look back on your life and see just how good is He is to you? Can you really see to the depths of what God’s faithfulness means? If nothing pops into your head at once, I really pray that God will privilege you to really experience His faithfulness. It is not just some attribute that we know God has because the Bible tells us so. To me, faithfulness has become the most outstanding and graceful part of His divine being. But do not look at it as if another human being can have it. God’s faithfulness is FAR BEYOND anything we could ever posses to have. FAR BAYOND.
The past 4 months God has been teaching me what it really means to lose control of my life. He has taught me this in an extraordinary yet challenging and hard road. I cannot emphasize just how hard it really has been. I have wrestled, fought, and been so stubborn with God on so many issues. God has brought about countless situations for me to learn the depths of His faithfulness and how to give up control of everything I have. Now that I look back, I have no idea how it can even be possible for God to be faithful and patient with me while learning these lessons. He knew from each stubborn prayer or cry how all of it was for the good of me when I could not and would not see it in that way.
A scripture passage I was given that I didn’t understand during this process was Psalm 127. Not a typical Psalm one reads during church or just even on your own, but God specifically gave this one to me.
“Unless the LORD builds that house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep.”
I couldn’t see it at the time, but God was proving his faithfulness to me, even in my most stubborn moment towards him. If the Lord builds the house, we do not labor over it in vain. If we let the Lord watch over the city, we do not stay up in vain while doing our job. Do you understand that we can do nothing in vain if we give up control and let God take care of our situations! Our work and toil is NOT gone to waste or done in vain. Yes, we may have to build the ‘house’ or ‘watch’ over the city, but God has created our lives to work out in that way and all of our work and toil is done IN his glory and not for ourselves. He rewards his beloved with sleep. You have no idea how much physical sleep is a gift from God in my life. In yours it may be rest from a situation or anything else. In some form, his gives rest for the work we do because he is faithful to you and me. Stop trying to control your situations. You may not know right away what to do or where to go and He may not tell you in the time you want, but I can guarantee you this: God will be faithful in your life, in and out of every situation, if you just learn to let go.
Learning to give up control has been a roller coaster to say the least. Yet, I cannot even begin to explain the riches of not being in control and letting God’s plan unfold for me in every area of my life. I have finally learned just how I can do this in a day to day walk with God. It starts small with one decision and emotion here and there and then it becomes so much easier with the bigger realities that I daily face. Of course Satan endlessly reminds me of my sin or weakness, but it’s a battle God is teaching me how to win. “Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!” Psalm 34:8. ‘Taste’ in the Hebrew language actually means to ‘experience’. So may you experience and see how good and faithful and sweet God is. O God of mine.