My Book: Down Your Face

I think I have finally gotten my introduction to my book written. No, my book is not finished. Far from it actually, but I have a ton of chapters and nothing has begun to flow because of no beginning point. It has taken me a year and a half with this new direction for the book, but I think I may have it.

A little preface: This book is non fiction and is a boring book about my life from the past 2 years or so. A boring book with ridiculous things that I go through and that change me. Every chapter begins with a song theme for that particular event, lesson, or idea. It is the connection of music with suffering through the muddy waters of my growing into an adult part of life. The book outlines my phases and what I have learned in hopes that you might also be able to identify with my story and maybe even learn from it. It's my story with my song(s). The title comes from the song "Fix You" by Coldplay. The book is essentially based upon that song or at least the theme came from it. I figured finally letting people get a glimpse into a part of the book and what it was about might give me some good feedback to how to better write. I love an honest critic =)

So, with that, please enjoy the introduction to Down Your Face: The Connection of Music and Suffering

He’s Not


There is a mystery in the sky
There is a gentle breeze coming from
An unfamiliar place I’ve never felt before
I hear it calling through the back door
It’s familiar yet so different
It’s the same yet nothing like I’ve ever felt
This felling like home, oh, but it’s not what I’ve been told


No it’s lies, lies, lies, that I have been told
He’s not that rhyme that you have been sold
He not that old church down the road
He’s not that old preacher from a long time ago
No, he’s not your friend who say they know
Oh, He’s not a church, He’s not a prayer, He’s not a page, He’s not a word
Oh, He’s like nothing that you’ve ever known


So don’t say a word
Don’t you grow tired of trying to be heard
It’s like trying to capture the sunlight in a box
It’s like trying to stop a raging river with a leaf
It’s like trying to hide the mighty mountains with your hand
Oh, He’s not what I’ve been told


Oh, He’s lies, lies, lies that I have been sold
Oh, He’s so much more than what you can hold
No, no, no, no, no , no
Jesus is not, He’s not that old church down the road
He’s not that old preacher from a long time ago
He’s not your friends that say they know
He’s not a prayer, He’s not a church, He’s not a page, He’s not a word
Oh, He’s like nothing that you’ve ever known
Oh, He’s like nothing that you’ve ever known

-By Chris Westbrook



So this book began with this song years ago. I began to write stories all about who Jesus is not and the misconceptions of what Christianity has stereotyped him to be and I knew I was still learning myself . I began this book when I was a sophomore in college. I had just transferred from a liberal arts school to a Baptist university which was quite the atmosphere change in people and college culture. I was in a biblical perspectives class and I was getting really fed up. The course is designed not to make you question your faith, but to show you perspectives of the Bible by learning actual culture and literature of the time it was written (brilliant, I know). Literally learning the context in which scripture was written (sadly, most Christians never learn this stuff). This is turn completely renewed how I viewed the Bible as well as many other students. It can be a very liberating class, or one that you will totally disagree with. So naturally, when in a Baptist environment where most of these young college students have grown up in private Christian schools, attended the First Baptist Church of their hometown, and with their daddy’s credit card in their pocket, questioning their faith was not something that was easily done in a classroom without upset and confused students or hard work to answer some intense theological questions most people never want to ask. I heard, “But that is not what my pastor said!” for the last time and walked out of the class so frustrated with Bible belt Christians. Just because someone’s pastor said it apparently made it absolute truth over a professor, theologian, or history. I wasn’t on board with that to say the least.

I went back to my room and played this song. A friend from a while ago wrote this back when I was in high school and I remember thinking, He gets it. He gets who Jesus is. It changed me more than he could have known. So when I listened to this song after class that day for the millionth time, this time it struck a chord in me to start writing about it. I put my frustrations on paper. Slowly chapters came out of each verse from the song giving detailed descriptions and experiences of how Jesus is not what my pastor always says, not just what I grew up to know from my parents, not only a page or piece of scripture, or a prayer. Yes, we need all of these things to supplement our faith and to know about who Jesus is, but those are not the means to the end. Shockingly Jesus is more than you can read or talk about. It’s all about the relationship and what Christ himself reveals to you.

With that said, on this quest of initially trying to write about who Jesus is not I guess my mind unknowingly had to find out what or who he IS. I never intended to give an answer to that because I honestly don’t think there is one, or at least one you can verbally explain. But when life began to happen and things would or would not go my way, I would subconsciously say OK, this is who you are and what you do. I put them into neat little categories so that the next time I could expect or predict how God would act (yeah, I still laugh at myself for trying that one out).

Let me tell you the biggest lesson I learned from all of this and which is also the basis for this book. Life is seldom what you plan. I could write an entire book with nothing but that sentence in it, but I still don’t think that it would get my point across of how true that statement is. You may end up at Z one day, but A, B, and C certainly did not get you there. It was through M and T that led to J that made you end up at D instead of Z. I mean, this is something we all know. We know life isn’t fair and that we don’t always get what we want. So why then do we get so upset when the unexpected keeps coming true? That’s life. You know this already and it sounds cheesy, but I will say it anyways. Jesus did not come for you to have the perfect life and to make all of your plans come true. You cannot back that up with scripture, trust me, I have searched. What he did say was that he came to give life and give it to the full (John 10:10). A full life looks like a lot of different things, but I truly believe a full life is one that you couldn’t have imagined for yourself or for anyone else. But again, that is my opinion.

And so begins my story. I must give credit where due to Donald Miller for helping me realize that is exactly what my life is- a real story. The journey of learning more than ever who Jesus is not and scraping only the surface of who our infinite God is. My initial book is now only this short introduction. What follows is quite a story of life lessons, mainly through music of all kinds- Goo Goo Dolls to Broadway to awesome 80's. Music is the best expression of my heart and can communicate better than I can for myself. I swear I have one of those movie-esq life’s. I hate it because of the abnormal things that happen to me all the freaking time, but writer Lacey loves it at the end of the day. It certainly has been the most unexpected and intense journey, but one thing I have always prayed for in my walk with Christ, is a life worth telling. Sometimes I wonder if I should retract that prayer because of what I end up going through, but whatever. This is my story.

Your Big Day

One day we are born. One day we start school. One day we fall in love and one day we get married. One day we make a best friend and maybe lose one. One day we move and leave memories behind, and one day we make new life. One day we finally try something new and one day we finally make a decision. One day, and then the day is gone. We never really see the moments life gives us until they have already past. Especially the good ones.

I went to a wedding last weekend for one of my dear friend’s/old roommate. That day was so much fun and it was a very different wedding for me. Usually weddings are fun and it’s all about the bride and groom, chill atmosphere, lots of dancing and friends, and then you wave them off and what a good night it was. But Morgan and Keith’s wedding, that was a celebration. The entire part of it, from the ceremony to the cake to the last dance, felt like an utter celebration. I don’t know that I have ever really thought that any wedding was ‘not fun’ that I have been to, but this wasn’t just fun for me. Almost everyone there had been a close friend to the bride and groom and were essentially part of their story. Most everyone saw their story unfold instead of just the climax of the wedding. I had the honor of being a part of the story of them meeting when Morgan and I were roommates and it was such a story of God being please to bless this couple with each other. They bring out the best in one another and it is so beautiful to watch.

I have never been so happy at another wedding (besides when my own sister got married). And I think it was because it still was not about Morgan and Keith. It was a true celebration of the miracle of God in two people. I heard Erwin McManus brilliantly say one time that, “It’s not a miracle that we love God or that He loves us. God IS love, therefore it is easy to love with God. The miracle is that we can love each other who are NOT love.” I think this was one of the moments that this statement of his came to fruition. The love that was shown on their wedding day was not normal, it was a miracle.

The wedding day seemed to be so long for me because I realized each moment that I was in. I have never really done that before, but it was an incredible thing. I was with all of my old roommates for the last time (which was so bittersweet). I got to see and dance with some friends I hadn’t seen in a while and I don’t know when I really will see again. I recognized how happy everyone was. I stared out at the beautiful horizon and scenery at the reception. I watched the sunset. I just watched people laugh and dance and kiss. I soaked in these moments like I never had before. It was a long day, but it ended.

I think we could all soak in more moments in life. Maybe view it as taking a picture with your memory so that you can remember the smells of the room. Or the temperature outside, the position of the sun, how blistered your feet were, what your friends were laughing at, and how big a smile a stranger gave. One day you get married. One day you wake up and you’re 80. One day you realize you can remember the most discrete moments of memories because you chose to soak it in. The biggest days of your life happen when you aren’t ready for them. The days you expect the be the best days of your life aren’t what you expect them to be, or maybe they are. But you’re biggest days will never lie behind you. They will always be in front, waiting on you.

Old News, But New Truth

How deep the Father’s love for us, how vast beyond all measure,

that he should give his only Son to make a wretch his treasure.

How great the pain of searing loss: the Father turns his face away,

as wounds which mar the chosen one bring many sons to glory.

…..

Behold the Man upon the cross, my sin upon His shoulders;

ashamed, I hear my mocking voice call out among the scoffers.

It was my sin that held him there until it was accomplished;

His dying breath has brought me life; I know that it is finished.

…..

I will not boast in anything, no gifts, no pow’r, no wisdom;

but I will boast in Jesus Christ, His death and resurrection.

Why should I gain from his reward? I cannot give an answer,

but this I know with all my heart, his wounds have paid my ransom.

-Hymn, How Deep the Father's Love for Us.

This song has been sounding in my head over and over all day long. Every single verse I have laid out an exposition to my life and experience with my walk with God. We just will never comprehend how deep the Father's love for us, because it is vast beyond all measure. And the wounds which broke the chosen one has brought me and you the gift of life and glory.

What if you and I were to remember that when we wake up each morning? Lately, I have realized how more often I do not even think about God when I rise to begin my ambitious days I desire, than the times I do. Love is a battlefield, as Jordan Sparks says. If you are literally in a battle, does a soldier ever forget that at any moment? No. He knows he is in a place that is not home, a place that is hard, and a place that he does not necessarily want to be. A soldier knows and is ready at all times to fight and never forgets his orders. I guess life is just so much easier to live in the physical than the spiritual, because the love God has for us is a battle the enemy fights for us to not see each and every day. And we never recognize it. We don't even remember we have weapons and that we can be prepared at all times. We don't remember that earth is not our forever, it is only but a battleground. We are NOT made to stay here. In his dying breath, Jesus brought me life. I have never been more awakened to that than now. My mornings are sometimes overcome with tears because I literally become overwhelmed with a love from God I have never stepped into before. When that is something you are awakened to each morning, your day becomes so much more significant. Each moment, breath, and conversation is just that: love.

And this I know with all of my heart, soul, and being, that His wounds have paid my ransom. It doesn't quite make sense unless you know love. Begin to know love, and then you find life. A life you should know in which you live in the resurrection of Jesus every single day. Love is a very hard thing to receive. I don't mean the love you receive from your pet, or even from most of the people around you. Love is hard to receive when you keep feeling you don't think you are worth or deserve that kind of love. This is where you can begin to see just how deep the Father's love for us. Yes, we can see it through other people, scriptures, and rhymes, but we still must go beyond even that.

I am not sure where I am really supposed to go with the piece of writing for the first time. This is just something I am beginning to tap into and it is changing me. God is changing everything. It doesn't make sense that He should be that intimate or personal with me, but my God, he thinks otherwise.

Marching On

For those days we felt like a mistake,
Those times when love's what you hate
Somehow, We keep marchin on

For those nights that I couldn't be there,
I've made it harder to know that you know
That somehow
We'll keep movin on

For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know, Were not what we've seen

Oh

For this dance we move with each other
There aint no other step
Than one foot
Right in front of the other
Oh

Theres so many wars we fought
Theres so many things we're not

But with what we have

I promise you that
We're marchin on
We're marchin on

For all of the plans we made
There isn't a flag I'd wave
Don't care where we've been
I'd sink us to swim
We're marchin on
We're marchin on

Right Right Right Right Left

We'll have the days we break
And we'll have the scars to prove it
We'll have the bomb that we saved
And we'll have the heart
Not to lose it, Oh!
You put one foot in front of the other
We go where we go we're marchin on
Marchin on

Theres so many wars we fought
Theres so many things we're not
But with what we have
I promise you that
We're marchin on
-OneRepublic


I cannot say it enough, life is seldom what we plan. Life is seldom what we plan.

I guess this is the point where I tell you that I am marching on in my life. Obviously this is something I am proclaiming because there is something that I have to march away from and march towards. The things I am marching on from. Hmm, well you know how there will always be that one time in your life in which you felt the most lost, confused, hurt, broken, and mute? That is what I am putting one foot right in front of the other, chin up, and staring at the horizon. It began 2 months ago that I was walking on from things, but I wasn't marching which is a huge difference. When you march, you do so with confidence. Your head is up and you don't have to worry about where you are going because you know the path. Your feet and rhythm are one and you do not stumble. The walk has eventually grown into a march, day by day, moment by moment, and person by person.

I have finally done what was needed for healing. I learned what time with Jesus all alone was really like. I think that maybe that is what He wants us to learn when we are at the lowest point. To know real intimacy with Him. We can't know real intimacy until we are alone with Jesus. A place where there are no eyes upon us, no one to hear the screams and the pains, and a place where absolutely no one to save us. Sooner or later we have to learn that nobody can be our Jesus and we can never expect them to be. No one can save me. No one can save you. We have to let go of the ambition to save other people because we can't save people, and we cannot be saved. To learn this through and through an unbearable amount of pain comes with it. Love cannot come without knowing pain.

It's in the giving up of thinking I had to be right in everyone's eyes, forgiving beyond what seems human, letting go of any sense of pride, and giving up. It is literally in that moment when Jesus changes not only who we are, but who we forever will be. Our interactions become new with everyone around us and life is now beautiful because we know hurt. Relationships become so much more powerful and full of grace when you know that soul changing hurt. When I realized all of this, I knew what I had to do in my situation. I didn't want to, but I did and I gave up every word that I thought I should have spoken because I was "right". As I was in the midst of my surrender (and still am), God threw me a curve ball like I could have never seen coming. I feel like it is not only God saying, "Now I can finally bring this to you!" Like he has a big weight off of his own shoulders and may have changed many things about my life.

My head has been hurting all day long, for good reasons I want you to know. I have so many things to re-think and evaluate. I look back and think "Why did I wish for that?" It seems like some of these wishes are coming true, but just a TAD to literal than what I actually meant! I wish I could be more specific right now, but I can't just yet. All I can say over and over is that God is good, God is good, God is good, God is good.
I can march on from the former things and look forward to the new, which I have NO IDEA where it will lead. Oh, my head is spinning!!

Living in Community

Community living is hard to do. I won't be the last person you hear it from if you know people who live in a real community. I am not talking about a community with neighborhoods where you have to share sidewalks and yards, or even the same stairs in an apartment complex, but a community that depends on each other every day to function and the kind you also can't get away from when you have your moments. It is very different than living with your family. It's so much harder. With your family you have to love them, and you do no matter what. You fight about clothes, food, the remote control, whose turn it is to take the dog on a walk, nagging each other about cleaning up. You get pissed at one another and then tomorrow is another day. With family you don't hold grudges so easily and you actually don't have to be so considerate all the time (just some of the time). You can get mad and it's normal. Things almost always go back to normal. But what do you do when all of this and more happens with the people who are not your family?

It doesn't look the same. You have to be considerate all the time. You have to know that there are about 10 people that have to be aware of one another's feelings all the time. In work, in play, in love, in secret. A community doesn't function like a family because you have to learn to love in spite of the complex things that can screw each other up. You have to learn to forgive because it won't be just another day tomorrow. It's not like you can just wake up and pretend as if nothing ever happened like you can with your family. Community living breaks you apart so much it's healthy. But it doesn't always look or feel like it's healthy.

A few months back I was talking to a friend and it is one of the most memorable conversations I think I have ever had. I remember every part of it, which is really rare with my memory. But I remember all of it because it was so profound and he had so much to say from a world away perspective (literally). The most insightful thing we talked about was community. He didn't become a Christian until he was in college so he has lived most of his life without God and can see a lot more clearly life without Christ. When he came to know the Lord and surrendered his life he noticed something right away. He said this

 

"You know the one thing that everybody gets when they come to know God is community. I have always had my buddies that would do anything for me you know, but that was not community. Not the kind of community you get when God is in your world.  No matter what happens in life the one thing Christ gives us is other people. Christ was never even alone in his ministry and we certainly are not called to it either. We are not meant to carry this life alone. We may have to for seasons of time, but we will actually still have people around us. And that is what's SO beautiful about Christianity. You can go anywhere in the world and find that you have a brother or sister you never knew existed."


I think about this part of the conversation all the time. It is a very pivotal thing for me in my life right now within my own community God has given me, in abundance. There is a lot that I have to carry and go through right now and I am surrounded by the people that are supposed to help me through it. A lap to cry on or a person I can run to for secrets. Yet there are people within my community at the same time who have been directly apart of that tearing down aspect God has allowed in my life. It's to grow me and mature me, I hope. 

But growing and maturing is hard. It's the hardest thing I have ever done. Honestly, I feel like I have been through 10 years of life experience just within 7 months. It's almost stupid how much I have been through emotionally and physically. And the phases to "get through it all"... well, that my friends is what will be included in the book. At the end of the day it all comes back to community. The good and the hard. It's true what they say, that oxymoron... "I can't live with it, but I can't live without it". God I want to know how to live with community better. Show me how to live and learn.

Giving My Secrets Away

Do you ever think of what it might be like in someone else's shoes? I mean, real hard core trying to understand what the hell they must feel like. 


I do.


Do you ever truly try and think about the weight some people have to carry? The thoughts that might actually go into their soul and literally tear them apart?


I do.


Have you ever tried to put aside your selfishness and just do whatever it takes to love someone and be there for them?


I have.


Did you know that words can really break bones and that sometimes people pray to have sticks and stones hurt them instead?


I know.


Have you ever been in so much emotional and spiritual pain that it literally makes you body respond in physical pain?


I have. 


Have you ever thought yourself insane because you seem to be the only one to hope in the people around you when you really shouldn't?


Yep. I have.


Do you ever look at yourself and wonder if you actually give a damn about other people? Do you think about how they might accept this action or sentence because you care about them?


Yes, I have.


There comes a point in all of our lives where we have to look around and realize everyone we know is in pain, or that it is coming soon for them. There comes a time where you have to look at your own life and realize that no one will understand the weight of your burden and you cannot understand or see theirs. But love is supposed to be a kind of understanding right? An understanding that will be rare for the rest of the world, but not for those special people (or person). But how do you roll out of bed everyday when you don't have that love around you? How do you make it to the morning shower, or stay focused on the road you must drive on to get to work, or reminding yourself that you have to eat, or picking up the phone to let your parents know you are surviving the next few hours. How do you respond to people who need things from you like a fax, a spreadsheet, or change for a dollar? How do you pull yourself together when you see people that want to talk to you and it's too late to ignore them? How do you keep friends when you don't literally have the energy anymore to even let them know you need them? How do you remember that you have a life to live when they one you are living in has died? Can you even know if there is a new life out there for you?

There comes another point on our life when we have to throw off the old and put on the new. I am not just talking about when we decide to follow Christ, throwing out our former ways for a new way of life. Sometimes things can be a dead end which forces you to go in a completely different direction. What if you and I are called to that now? Then we have to learn that Jesus is enough. It's not easy saying that or even staying in that calling for a period of time. He has to be enough for His word, life, death, and resurrection to be true. He Is Enough. Sometimes you can't count on people and we will all have to learn that the hard way to understand the only One who we can count on. It's hard, yes. Because Jesus isn't physical for us when we need a lap to cry on, a hand to wipe our tears and stroke our hair, or to just touch us for a moment. No, He is far greater than that, we have to believe. 


I have questions, oh lots of them. I have no answers. I don't even really have specific prayers. That's the truth of where I stand. I am starting to not like change as much as I used to really love it. Sometimes I just want stability. Peace. Comfort. An unchanging place or thing. But I think I long for that because I know I am called to a life different than that. You always want what you don't have is what they say. 



I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yea, one day You will set all things right

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

Your hands
Your hands that shape the world 
Are holding me, they hold me still
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave You when...

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave...
I never leave Your hands 
-JJ Heller

Words to Live By (Dr. Seuss)

•I meant what I said and I said what I meant.

•Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.

•You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.

•Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

•Just tell yourself, Duckie, you're really quite lucky!

•I like nonsense; it wakes up the brain cells.

•Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try.

•Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

•A person's a person, no matter how small.

•Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.

•The storm starts, when the drops start dropping, When the drops stop dropping then the storm starts stopping.

 
 
So I have been on quite the Dr. Seuss kick lately. I went to the bookstore for hours the other day and read a lot of his children's books. It is brilliantly amazing at the audience he appeals to, for it is not just kids. I really think that Seuss had the intention of teaching both the child and adult life lessons while writing his interesting books. He knew parents would read them to their kids. For kids, the rhyme, pictures, and imagination is just fun, and for adults it takes us back to the "simple" life lessons. They are so simple and basic we forget them.

It reminds me of the words that Jesus spoke about having faith like a child to receive Him, "Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” (Mark 10:13-16) I love being reminded that it is God's children who enter into His kingdom, humble and innocent. In my opinion, the older we get the more powerful the faith of a child becomes because a kid doesn't always ask why or how, they just believe and obey (most of the time). There is a simplicity to life, love, and Jesus. Of course the older you get, the more 'exceptions' we see to every rule, but we often forget where we first begun. "Treat others the way you want to be treated". "Share." "Don't be rude." "Don't hit." "Don't steal." "Say thank you", etc.
Dr. Seuss seems to never forget that life can be simple, we just have to be reminded of it.

Below is the full text to his most popular book, "Oh! The Places You Will Go!" I have never been so moved after reading it until the other day. Life has gotten beyond hard and complex for me to handle, but then it became simple again after reading Dr. Seuss. "Go!" "Dream!" "Forgive" "You Matter" "Just Try!" "Have Fun!" are extremely common themes in all his books. Sometimes I need reminders. Somtimes life can be simple. Somtimes the answer is easy.

And so say's Dr. Seuss...

Congratulations!

Today is your day.

You're off to Great Places!

You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.

You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any

you'll want to go down.

In that case, of course,

you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there

in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen

and frequently do

to people as brainy

and footsy as you.

And then things start to happen,

don't worry. Don't stew.

Just go right along.

You'll start happening too.

OH!

THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!

You'll be on your way up!

You'll be seeing great sights!

You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don't.
Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
that Bang-ups
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.

And your gang will fly on.

You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself

is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.

Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race

down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace

and grind on for miles cross weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or the waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow.

Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for the wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.

Everyone is just waiting.
NO!
That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. There are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You'll be as famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don't
Because, sometimes they won't.

I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go
though the weather be foul.
On you will go
though your enemies prowl.
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl.

Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike,
And I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.

So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's

a Great Balancing Act.

Just never foget to be dexterous and deft.

And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?

Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...

be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray

or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
You're off the Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!

A Fairytale

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess that lived in an ivory tower. She had everything she ever wanted…except people because she was all alone. She had never known it any other way. One day it was raining and she heard a noise outside like she had never heard before. There was someone outside blowing a trumpet. They were looking for shelter from the rain and hoping someone would hear. The princess had no idea how to help them or let them in. You see this tower had only one window and no doors…

No, it’s not your beloved Rapunzel. Sounds similar, but there is no witch or prince involved. Just a girl who had everything she ever wanted. Then she found something she didn’t have and wanted. People.

But I want to go back to the beginning of the story. A princess who had everything she ever wanted. I imagine she must have a stunning tower, made of ivory of course. It would be large, yes, with a huge open window in which she would have a beautiful view over looking… a beach. Yes, a private beach. Not only does she have an amazing view, but the perfect amount of sea breeze could flow into her ivory tower so she could smell the waters and would make her sheer curtains flow with the rhythm of the wind. The most intriguing art would hang from her walls. Art that expressed her heart and also made her think of many things. She would have an endless supply of books that taught her everything (because in fairytale land you can do that). The birds were her friends because they were the only creatures that could make it up to window. She learned music through the birds and from the voices of the sea. Her wardrobe was to die for with diamonds to always make her glow.

The princess was happy with the things she had, but she knew she was alone. She longed for the people in the books that she would read. Deep down she thought she was not meant for that place, that beautiful ivory tower, but she couldn’t fathom what else she was meant for. The princess couldn’t think about it very much because it would make her sad. When she was sad she would make herself dance against the warm breeze that flowed into her tower until she forgot her sorrows.

Then one day, her life forever changed. She heard a different tune than nature had ever made, and a sight that was strangely familiar. It was familiar because it was other people, just like her! When she realized they needed shelter from the rain she didn’t know what to do. But she called out to the strangers to let them know she heard them. But to her dismay, she didn’t know what to do to help them. There was no door for them to come inside the tower. There were no stairs for her to run down and find them. Her hair was nowhere near long enough to use as a rope. She was stuck and miserable.

But then the princess had an idea. She beckoned the strangers to come to the tower. She then gathered as many things she could think of to help them. Blankets, umbrellas, cushions, sheets and food were all thrown out from her window. She didn’t care how beautiful or what they meant to her, this was her one chance to help people. To see them, to know them. The strangers were so thankful for her help. They were able to keep dry and full. When the rain stopped they thanked her for all her help and went on their way.

The princess was no longer sad. She dreamed of being able to go away from her beautiful tower, but then she thought to herself, “What if someone else needs help again and no one is here to help them?” So the princess stayed happy. She saw her purpose in life. It wasn’t to go anywhere and do anything really, but to do what she could with what she had been given (yet she never knew where it kept coming from).

*I had a friend text me this story because I guess she was curious as to how I would finish it. Either that or she was trying to get me to write.

Pre-Story, Story

Don’t you find it interesting that movies these days are picking up on more “real life” stories? Hollywood has begun to fall back into the reality of life when it comes to entertainment. 500 Days of Summer, The Blind Side, The Hurt Locker, Julie & Julia. Hollywood directors and writers are picking up on this idea that people don’t just want to see the typical, unreal love or war story. It's not that the stories even have to be faithfully true, just true to our lives going in the direction real people actually go.We want to see real life too. People want to identify with the movies again.

Not only is the new thing to depict real life, but now the trend has also begun to take the audience back to where the story really began. Take Wicked the Broadway musical as an example. I will never watch The Wizard of Oz the same way again. It’s no longer about Dorothy anymore. Dorothy is now only a chapter in the epic tale of Oz and the injustice trying to be conquered by a witch. Or how about the classic hero’s like Superman and Batman? Up until a few years ago we didn’t know the journey it took for them to get where they are (unless you were actually a comic book reader). I know for me it wasn’t even really something I thought about. What mattered was that there was just a hero to save the day. But now Hollywood has begun to dig deeper and unleash their creativity and explain what lies beneath a character or event. I think it’s brilliant not only for capitalizing money on the most well known stories, but because now we are awakened to the full story. No one is great or evil, they become it. And sometimes we are invited to see it.


Now put that perspective into your own life. The why’s and how you got where you are then become quite amazing. Maybe you don’t like the before story, but it’s your explanation at least. Maybe if you were to think about the early story, life can mean something different. Sad days can be made (somewhat) better. Answers longed for are ephipanized.

After losing his wife Ellie, 78-year-old Carl became an angry and bitter old man after realizing he lived an unfulfilled promise. Carl spent his life trying to save money and time to give the love of his life the adventure she wanted since they were kids. It’s not until the very end of the movie in Up that we see that Carl was Ellie’s adventure. I spent the whole movie sad that Ellie died before Carl got to take Ellie to South America. But those last few moments of the story in the photo album that Carl never knew about behind the story for him to make it to South America made all the difference. It solidified and restored what adventure even meant to her.

There was a journey in giving your heart away and losing it. There was a journey in feeling like you never lived a fulfilled and purposed life. And there is certainly a journey to be taken when you are only 23. No matter what the before story ends up with, it’s entertaining none the less. I don’t want to be like Carl when I am 78 and realize the moments of the pre-story. It’s a good ending to finally know it all, but what a sad “middle” to live within.

My "Thing", Your "Thing"

I am looking to buy a new pair of red shoes. I have seen a ton of styles, but I still haven't found "the ones" yet. The ones in this picture I have had for a couple of years now. You can't really tell, but they are quite dirty and torn up. Stains, rain, and dog teeth have taken their toll on these shoes.

What do you own that is more meaningful than anything? Is there something you have that you will never give up, even if its a crappy t-shirt or a certain pen? Or maybe it's a simple picture or card? The value held behind your "something" can't quite be expressed with words, just your emotions. Because no one can understand why it was so meaningful that your best friend gave you that t-shirt, the meaning behind the pen, or what was being said to you during that photo. These are your reminders of what is most important to you in your life. It's quite beautiful when you think about it.

For me it's red shoes. I have never kept a pair of red shoes that I can't wear anymore, but I always have a red pair. The first pair that I got was when I was 4 years old at my birthday party at McDonald's (why don't we celebrate there more often?!) My aunt gave me the "one of a kind" Dorothy shoes that were just like the ones from The Wizard of Oz. I don't remember anything else about that birthday other than putting on those shoes. My life would never be the same after receiving those. The red shoes made me come alive, like her, like Dorothy. I told myself I could do anything and I really believed it and I actaully still do.

It's the memory and the stories behind the "thing" that keeps us going. It keeps us in love or makes us never forget the pain. I wear my red shoes when I want to feel empowered or to encourage me to dream. I wear them when I have big events, meaningful moments, or simply to feel like a little girl again. I remind myself to forget what is behind and chase my dreams God has put in my soul. I have to have just the right red shoes everytime because I don't settle. I don't settle for just any red shoes, and I don't settle for just whatever happens in life. And you shouldn't either. We should always be wanting to move to that "something greater than ourselves" in life, wherever it may be or wherever it makes you stay.

I had a friend last week pray with me about some things. A lot of things actually. In the middle of prayer she stopped and told me God had just given her a vision of me that she needed to share. She didn't know what it really meant, but she just looked at me and said that God wants to give me a new pair of red shoes. I started crying because she had no idea that not only have I literally been looking for some for a few months now, but my soul has been wanting some new red shoes. New dreams, new hopes, and a new vitality. It made me cry, but then it made me smile, because I too really feel like I am getting some new shoes soon. It's good to know God wants to give me them.