There comes a point, and if you haven't been there yet get ready, because it's coming, when God just cuts the harnesses off and and He says, "Now, I want you to step into the reality of this faith journey". And you're wondering "What happened? I'm shorter again, not as attractive as I was a minute ago, and she said no". And it's because there comes a time where you have to begin to discover how much faith you actually have. Sometimes what happens is you lose your job, you lose your love, you lose your dreams, you may even feel as if you've lost yourself. See, the book of Joshua begins with this statement from God that Moses is dead, to let Joshua know that the world has changed and it will never go back to the way it was before. And God places us in the moments where we feel overwhelmed with the pressures of life, where we feel overwhelmed with the crisis we are in, where we feel overwhelmed with the pressures and the temptations or the suffering that stands before us. And we wonder why God hasn't protected us from the disappointment and the failure that we find ourselves drowning in. And it may simply be that God wants you to step into this moment where you discover what it's like to journey with God, in a place where your weakness demands God's strength.
It's a beautiful thing when we come to a relationship with God that he gives us each other. But on our faith journey, there will be moments where we feel completely and entirely on our own. Sometimes it will feel like no one even cares to help us, and other times we will feel as if people care, but just not able to help us. I am convinced that God brings us to those moments where we feel as if there is no one else in the world than can help us. Where we understand that there is a singular, solitary experience in our faith where we have to discover that all we can do it turn to God. And here in this moment Joshua had no one but God to turn to. - Erwin McManus, Fresh Start on Faith Series
I have had the past four days off of work. I literally cannot remember when I had 4 days off. Even when I moved here to D.C. I had 1 and a half days to unpack and figure out where I was going to work and figure out the new life I was starting. I have never liked unplanned open time anyways, I am not very good at keeping myself entertained. I did something I have never done before though. I made a list everyday of things I needed to get done, the errands to run, and the people to get back to. I literally completed my lists I made. That has never happened to me before. I must say it has been extremely satisfying, but I still don't like it. I will, however, really make an effort to do this more often because then I for once don't forget the things that need tending to.
There are a lot of movies to be watch in four days. Salt, Leap Year, Harry Potter, Alice In Wonderland, He's Just Not That Into You, and a couple more, but all which I have seen. I don't know why I wasn't watching ones that I haven't seen already because now it's more of a waste of time to watch a movie I have already watched when I could have been productive on my goal to watch all of the Oscar nominated films before the awards. There is a lot of working out that I have gotten to do in the gym, and even more, progress on my book.
But most of all, there is so much time. When you live on a farm, there are no people to constantly make conversation with you or noises to distract your focus other than the wind and horses. So, no matter what I do right now, whether it's distracting myself with a movie, reading a book, or writing my book, I am doing it by myself. So it's not hard to understand why I have felt quite alone the past few days. I am getting really tired of it actually. I am an extrovert forced to be an introvert the past year of my life and nothing has changed. I hate trying to get my energy without people. Yet, it's some kind of different being alone with no one around, than being alone with a ton of people around, and not just any people, but people that are almost like family to you. You see, I know what it is to be plentiful in relationships and I know what it's like to be so few in relationships. Being alone because there is just no one around is better than when there are people and you feel like you have to stand alone.
And then I came across this quote by Erwin and it moved me. I know exactly the moments he is talking about here. I feel like God cut the harnesses in my faith journey a year and a half ago, so I am well aware of a new reality of faith that I had never known in my life before. There is a faith to learn when having the most meaningful relationships in your everyday life, literally surrounding you, yet having to stand alone. But, there is also a faith to learn when put in a place of solitude without relationships to grab a hold of right in front of you. I think it's kind of like when Paul talks about how he knows hunger and well fed, thirsty and quenched, wet and dry, bruised and healed, lost and found, yet he has learned the secret of being content on both sides of that. He stepped into the moments that God demanded him to thrive on His strength alone, a place that no one else, not even Paul, could claim the strength that made us carry on. Ironically, even in the good moments sometimes we might have to stand alone with God so that only He can claim the blessings and goodness that everyone sees pouring out of you. No opposite sex, no boss, or family can take the credit for uplifting you. It takes faith to only allow God to claim those moments too. So may you be ready to step into those moments, and take the right shoes with you. Sometimes, shoes help.
