Marching On

For those days we felt like a mistake,
Those times when love's what you hate
Somehow, We keep marchin on

For those nights that I couldn't be there,
I've made it harder to know that you know
That somehow
We'll keep movin on

For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know, Were not what we've seen

Oh

For this dance we move with each other
There aint no other step
Than one foot
Right in front of the other
Oh

Theres so many wars we fought
Theres so many things we're not

But with what we have

I promise you that
We're marchin on
We're marchin on

For all of the plans we made
There isn't a flag I'd wave
Don't care where we've been
I'd sink us to swim
We're marchin on
We're marchin on

Right Right Right Right Left

We'll have the days we break
And we'll have the scars to prove it
We'll have the bomb that we saved
And we'll have the heart
Not to lose it, Oh!
You put one foot in front of the other
We go where we go we're marchin on
Marchin on

Theres so many wars we fought
Theres so many things we're not
But with what we have
I promise you that
We're marchin on
-OneRepublic


I cannot say it enough, life is seldom what we plan. Life is seldom what we plan.

I guess this is the point where I tell you that I am marching on in my life. Obviously this is something I am proclaiming because there is something that I have to march away from and march towards. The things I am marching on from. Hmm, well you know how there will always be that one time in your life in which you felt the most lost, confused, hurt, broken, and mute? That is what I am putting one foot right in front of the other, chin up, and staring at the horizon. It began 2 months ago that I was walking on from things, but I wasn't marching which is a huge difference. When you march, you do so with confidence. Your head is up and you don't have to worry about where you are going because you know the path. Your feet and rhythm are one and you do not stumble. The walk has eventually grown into a march, day by day, moment by moment, and person by person.

I have finally done what was needed for healing. I learned what time with Jesus all alone was really like. I think that maybe that is what He wants us to learn when we are at the lowest point. To know real intimacy with Him. We can't know real intimacy until we are alone with Jesus. A place where there are no eyes upon us, no one to hear the screams and the pains, and a place where absolutely no one to save us. Sooner or later we have to learn that nobody can be our Jesus and we can never expect them to be. No one can save me. No one can save you. We have to let go of the ambition to save other people because we can't save people, and we cannot be saved. To learn this through and through an unbearable amount of pain comes with it. Love cannot come without knowing pain.

It's in the giving up of thinking I had to be right in everyone's eyes, forgiving beyond what seems human, letting go of any sense of pride, and giving up. It is literally in that moment when Jesus changes not only who we are, but who we forever will be. Our interactions become new with everyone around us and life is now beautiful because we know hurt. Relationships become so much more powerful and full of grace when you know that soul changing hurt. When I realized all of this, I knew what I had to do in my situation. I didn't want to, but I did and I gave up every word that I thought I should have spoken because I was "right". As I was in the midst of my surrender (and still am), God threw me a curve ball like I could have never seen coming. I feel like it is not only God saying, "Now I can finally bring this to you!" Like he has a big weight off of his own shoulders and may have changed many things about my life.

My head has been hurting all day long, for good reasons I want you to know. I have so many things to re-think and evaluate. I look back and think "Why did I wish for that?" It seems like some of these wishes are coming true, but just a TAD to literal than what I actually meant! I wish I could be more specific right now, but I can't just yet. All I can say over and over is that God is good, God is good, God is good, God is good.
I can march on from the former things and look forward to the new, which I have NO IDEA where it will lead. Oh, my head is spinning!!