The Waiting Room

I will run when I cannot walk
I will sing when there is no song
I will pray when there is no prayer
I will listen when I cannot hear

Sitting in the waiting room of silence
Waiting for that still soft voice I know
Offering my words up to the rooftop to Your heart
Trusting that this closet's where You are

Lord I know if I change my mind
You will change my heart in time
Sovereign Lord this time's from You
So I sit in the waiting room of silence
Cause its all about You

I will fight when I cannot feel
I will trust when You don't seem real
I will tell when I cannot speak
I will step when I cannot see

Sitting in the waiting room of silence
Waiting for that still soft voice I know
Offering my words up to the rooftop to Your heart
Trusting that this closet's where You are

Lord I know if I change my mind
You will change my heart in time
Sovereign Lord this time's from You
So I sit in the waiting room of silence
Cause its all about You

-Waiting Room, Shane and Shane

I keep learning life is so much about perspective. I still have no idea why the Lord led me to D.C., but I can surely guess that one reason was for me to gain a much bigger perspective on just about everything in my life and others. For over a year I sat in the waiting room of silence with the Lord. He was completely waiting there with me, He sat next to me even. The chairs were unconfortable and we were alone in this tiny space. I could feel God holding my hand and gave me his shoulder to cry on. But it was still silent none the less. I didn't know what else to do and who to turn to so I continued to sit trusting that I was supposed to wait... for something. You may know this situation. If you follow Jesus, sooner or later you really will understand this aspect of our faith. It's in those fighting moments when you cry out to him to help you and save you and you shake your fist like you might just walk away if He doesn't answer that your faith actually is being proven and growing deeper. You are acknowledging His ableness to be the one to save you when you still aren't seeing it.

Now I am in a new place starting over on everything in my life, especially my dreams. I honestly knew that changing locations wasn't going to fix me and the hardships that I was dealing with were just going to disappear, but I knew I needed it and I knew sooner or later God was going to bring that change. And I was right. He brought me to a new place and my hardships didn't just go away. So don't get the idea that it might be different for you. You certainly can run from your circumstances, but you cannot run from your problems. Especially when God has ordained those problems to build you up. I work 7 days a week and don't quite have close friends or community yet, but I can finally deal with what God wants to change in me. I am working more than I ever have in my life and mostly at a retail job I did not enjoy back in Birmingham, yet I am so filled with joy and peace beyond what I feel I have ever had. I actually enjoy my retail job here which I never thought I would. It's amazing the perspective and deeper relationship I have gained from just being removed from one situation and put into another.

Pruning hurts, really bad, but I know and fully believe I am not just in D.C., but also exist for something so much bigger than I can think of and you better believe you are too. Right now I am a part of something so much greater than I thought for myself than I would have been doing in Los Angeles. I have gotten to know the VP at the organization I am currently interning at and this past weekend he helped me renew a lot of dreams or grab tighter to some. It's something huge and it just seems almost impossible for me, yet it seemed to him like this would be so easy and natural for me. He sounded like me of how I love to encourage other people.

It's beginning to be crunch time for me because my savings are quickly coming to an end and I can't intern for free much longer. I need a full time job with benefits and it it's going to be so easy to settle for something I know I am not called to do. I have other opportunities, but my dreams are not going away. You know what I am talking about too. It may only tug at you every once in a while, but there is something in the back of your mind you have always wanted to do or dreamed of starting. For me, none of those thoughts are at the back of my mind, but the very front. They absolutely consume me and overwhelm me until I take a leap of faith and let God take over. I am still in my leap of faith because from this point on I will need more provision and direction than I have ever had before. I am just not going to worry about it this time. We have got to start learning from our past and not repeat the lessons learned. Worry doesn't do a thing but doubt the miracles God can pull off.

Honestly I think we will always be in the waiting room while we are still alive in the flesh on this earth. We know God is never done with us which is why we will always wait to see what He is going to do next, even when old and gray. But the waiting room is not always silent. I actually think most of the time it's a pretty noisy and active place with God telling us a lots of things. He may be speaking in parables or He tells you to walk on water, but we all know the waiting is more important than what we are waiting for. Just sometimes is the waiting room totally silent, but there is a grand lesson in that as well. I feel like mine is only going to be silent for a little while longer.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us". Ephesians 3:20