I was trying to think of where my life as a dreamer began. What happened to make me tick this way? Because no one else in my family or friends is this way. I am the oddball. I’m ok with it, but my mind and passions have just never quite fit in to what I have always seen in people around me. So I kept trying to think back on my life and experiences and see if dreaming like I do was something I grew into or something I was born to do. Conclusion: born to do it. I have never known a different heart and life in myself. Of all the changes I have been through (maturity, spirituality, etc.) the one thing that has never changed is my world of dreams.
My absolute favorite movie when I was a little girl was the Wizard of Oz. I know, shocking right? And my favorite character? Yes, Dorothy. And the best part about her? The red shoes, duh. Oh my life, those were the most rocking shoes any little girl could ever want. And so for my 4th birthday I received the ultimate gift as a child (and maybe even up until now), those red glitter Dorothy shoes. And from then on I was no longer the same little girl. I literally wore those shoes every single day until my mom quit making me wear them when my feet grew too big for them. That was a hard day, for my mother and I both. I have so many memories with those shoes, most of which include performances I would put on in front of my family on a nightly basis with song and interpretive dance. I would really feel like I could become somebody else, click my heels together and magical things would happen. I was a little girl who felt larger than life when I wore those shoes. Yet, it never wore off when I could no longer wear them. This is where it all started for me.
I never thought about it until recently, but I have never owned another pair of red shoes since then up until this past spring. I have another pair of red flats (no glitter included sadly) that I wear almost daily. This is a new chapter in my life after graduation and a number of experiences that have shaken my being. For a while I felt like I don’t know what it’s like to be me anymore. I have forgotten how to dream and have lost sight of the other side. Not being able to see the other side makes me not know how to wake up every day. It brings confusion and fatigue. I go through the motions. For the first time dreams have been shattered in my life and I don’t know how to feel my heart anymore. And if I cannot dream, I cannot be Lacey. I want to recapture who I am in my red shoes. I want to remember that part of me that knows I can go anywhere and do anything for the Lord. I want to see potential in people again. I want to see how adventurous and good this world can be. I want to be there, but I’m not.
The only place I can feel comfort in my life is God. He is my only home in every way. I know it sounds good, but it’s hard. Not having any sort of feeling of home but the Lord is a hard road. It’s a lesson I don’t want to learn if I am being honest, but I will. Because at the end of the day, there is no place like home.
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